inventory

a long day, but 'long in a good way,' as i was saying...
now it's 3:15 am and i'm somewhat drunk and not quite ready to cash out to the darkness
...(due to: decadence )
meetings with N and Peg today
both good / each emerging new avenues
or attitudes - further fingers to outstretch it with -
(masquerades?)
hard to be in class this evening, though - just wanting to read or write
about my Own Thing... hard to intellectually involve myself with the pursuits of others now - selfish feeling
(I)
and then, after, thinking i'm gonna go home and write or watch or read some... but no
--wells on wells
--the cobra lounge
--drinking with berit and talking past and sex and laden memories. feeling when drunk like nothing but that matters: why there are alcoholics.
but boozy tiredness is so inhibiting to the articulation of the mad mass mess of.
reaching for time. desire and loss -- of or in the process echoes the intentions of the text... so full today of what all there is to put forth, to stitch and so together.
bourbon, on the rocks.
and lost.
revisiting michelle's thesis Stain last night and in my mind today. who woulda thunk it'd 'end'up so similar. echoes of experience and our mingled methodologies. then a text from the changing room: come see this dress. i'm on the left.
it's true i don't want darkness until the last possible moment. oblivion, yes... tossing waiting, please no.
gross